Insight: Why Were Not as Self-Aware as We Think, and How Seeing Ourselves Clearly Helps Us Succeed at Work and in Life By Tasha Eurich
meh. some good points, but its list upon list format (3 types of narcissists, or 7 methods to cultivate whatever) gets a little pedantic, and most of the illustrative tales are about business people, which is kinda boring. Hardcover This is a fascinating book and with 50 pages in, I knew that I was going to love it. Took me a while to finish but I am glad I took time to let it seep through. Books like this make me stop and take note of self and that’s why such should be read.
Penned by Organisational Psychologist Tasha Eurich, it is based on extensive research that helps delve deeper into the usually ‘unasked’ questions pertaining to Self-awareness. It plays with the contours of internal and external self-awareness and then jumps into 7 pillars of Insights which adequately covers most use-cases.
It also talks a lot and emphatically so about the relevance of getting and using feedbacks. I personally think it is the single most important personal takeaway from the book for so many people I see around. The stigma around giving and taking feedbacks is massive.
There is a good text herein on what Dr Tasha calls ‘Alarm Clock Events’ which I think is wonderful and will stay with me for a long time. The concept of Meformers and Informers on Social Media is also very captivating. Another key takeaway for me was the whole segment on the journey from ‘Why to What’ and that’s a note I have made in my personal diary for posterity.
I think Dr Tasha has made it amply clear that Awareness is the single most important leadership trait and eventually it all boils down to that because as a Chinese Proverb quoted in the book goes - ‘When the winds of change range, some build shelters while others build windmills’
Strongly recommended for those who have just started working in professional settings and for those who have been at it for long. Because sooner or later, you will come across situations that will demand these Insights.
Happy Discovering! Hardcover There are books that aren’t meant to be consumed in a few days. To appreciate them, you need to absorb them slowly. That was the case with Tasha Eurich‘s book Insight, which took me almost three months to complete! There’s a small part of me that’s ashamed to admit that. It’s the same part that’s ashamed to admit I liked Waterworld.
The problem was I kept stopping to take notes. Notes! Who the heck does that unless they have to? So much of what Eurich wrote in this book resonated with me. Prior to reading it, I thought I was pretty self-aware. I try to be empathetic and conscious of how my actions affect others. But, in the back of my mind, there has always been this nagging doubt that the person I project to others may not be the same person I am inside my head. Maybe that fight I had with my friend two years ago wasn’t her fault. Maybe that job didn’t let me go for budget reasons.
Insight is a detailed look into self-awareness and its impact on our lives, from business interactions to social relationships. Over the last 40 years, our society has shifted away from conformity and modesty as a measure of living well and, instead, started focusing on self-esteem and the glorification of individuality. While this sounds great (individuality), studies have found that higher self-esteem does not always equal higher success or happiness. In fact, the opposite is frequently true. In an age of selfies, Twitter monologues, and participation awards, we’re lulled into thinking we’re special and superior.
“It’s far easier to feel wonderful and special than to become wonderful and special.” – Tasha Eurich
Fortunately, self-awareness is a surprisingly learnable skill. Eurich helps readers uncover the areas they are weakest in and discover the areas of their life they’d be better off focusing on.
Her book is full of anecdotal stories from people she’s known personally and famous figures throughout history, interesting social experiments, and hilarious (often humbling) revelations. Like the chapter where she highlights our “Cult of Self” by pointing out the growing trend of parents naming their children unconventional names in an effort to make them stand out. I had to laugh. My children are named Troy and Beau. Ah, well, I guess I’m a product of my environment after all. Hardcover All I can say is...wow.
I came across this book from a post, shared on LinkedIn, by Susan Cain, author of Quiet. I read the post and immediately found out about Tasha's book and ordered it. This is one of the best investments in a book I've ever made.
It so happened that I was in the middle of a performance appraisal where I work, and it was not clear to me that I would be successful in completing it and getting my contract renewed for another year. The principles in this book about how we should go about being self-aware, and understanding how others really see us were of enormous value in my current situation and has given me much food for thought on how to handle my professional future, as well as other aspects of my future.
Thanks, Dr. Eurich for a great book that deserves to be read much more than once. Hardcover This book was terrible. The research was anecdotal and poorly presented and the writing style lacked maturity and focus. The basic premise is that no one is self-aware and there nothing you can do about it. If you think you are self-aware, you are not, and here are some personal stories from the author's interactions with her friends that proves it. This is not a serious book although this is a topic that we need a serious book about. It won't come from this author, however. Hardcover
My fav quotes (not a review):
-Page 26 |
self-awareness is the will and the skill to understand yourself and how others see you.
-Page 65 |
According to Daniel Kahneman and other researchers, our brains secretly and simplistically morph the question from “How happy are you with life these days?” into “What mood am I in right now?”
-Page 70 |
flying too low meant the sea would weigh down the feathers and flying too high meant the sun would melt the wax. But against his father’s instructions, Icarus decides to fly too high. And sure enough, the wax melts, knocking him out of the air and sending him to his death. When it comes to the way we see ourselves, we must be brave enough to spread our wings, but wise enough not to fly too high,
-Page 72 |
In contrast, the process of double-loop learning involves confronting our values and assumptions and, more importantly, inviting others to do so as well.
-Page 79 |
Conveniently, self-esteem was just one rung down, and all that was needed to achieve it was a change in mindset. In other words, we didn’t need to become great; all we really had to do was feel great.
-Page 108
Our subconscious, in other words, is less like a padlocked door and more like a hermetically sealed vault.
-Page 118
why questions are generally better to help us understand our environment and what questions are generally better to help us understand ourselves. Why did this happen- can suck us into an unproductive spiral. What should we do- brings us out into solutions.
-Page 121
True insight only happens when we process both our thoughts and our feelings.
-Page 133
But people tell me that one of my strengths is making fuzzy concepts accessible and actionable, not necessarily that I always tell them something about leadership they didn’t already know.” Then, a blinding flash of the obvious hit me. “Maybe I should just say that at the beginning of my programs.” And ever since then, I have.
-Page 148
Negotiation expert William Ury aptly calls it “going to the balcony,” but whatever name it goes by, this kind of reframing can be immensely valuable to be able to see the situation from a 3rd party view.
-Page 156
Research shows that self-aware people tend to knit more complex narratives of their key life events: they are more likely to describe each event from different perspectives, include multiple explanations, and explore complex and even contradictory emotions.
-Page 160
After getting feedback from his team that his biggest problem was delegation, he used the Miracle Question to explore what the solution might look like. If Matt’s problem were magically solved, he thought, the first sign would be that he’d no longer see asking for help as a weakness. Instead, he would embrace it as a method for greater team involvement, improvement, and prosperity. Matt proceeded to paint a poignant picture of his desired future when the problem was solved (or, as the Heath brothers call it in Switch, a “destination postcard”). One where he would improve his team’s engagement and performance, all while feeling less burdened and more efficient. But notice that Matt’s solution wasn’t an oversimplified single action (“I’ll do a better job delegating”). Instead, he envisioned exactly how both he and his employees would change on a far deeper level.
-Page 164
There’s an old science-backed adage that the words of a drunk person are the thoughts of a sober one.
-Page 169
When I’m speaking to managers in organizations, I’ll often ask, “Who is confident that your employees have the same opinion about your leadership as you do?” About half the hands go up. So I up the ante. “Keep your hand up if you’d bet your retirement savings on it.” At this point, I usually see a lot of pensive looks, and most people tentatively lower their hands.
-Page 170
A better metaphor for complete self-awareness than a mirror might therefore be a prism.
-Page 176
It seems that nowhere is the adage “You don’t get what you don’t ask for” more true than when it comes to seeking the truth about how others see us.
-Page 194
And instead of getting defensive upon hearing criticism, she said “I never noticed I was doing that.”
-Page 210
When faced with feedback in an area that plays into our self-limiting beliefs, merely taking a few minutes to remind ourselves of another important aspect of our identity than the one being threatened shores up our “psychological immune system.” Let’s say that you’re about to walk into your performance appraisal after a tough year where you haven’t met your numbers. One way you can defend yourself against this looming threat is to remember that you’re a loving parent, or a devoted community volunteer, or a good friend. This might sound simplistic or pie-in-the-sky, but I can assure you that the research supports it.
-Page 235
First, you have to go all-in and make a total commitment to your team’s self-awareness, starting with your own. As Mulally explains, “My role is to ensure awareness for everybody. To watch all the time—watch myself, watch others, watch the organization.”
-Page 256
“By behavioral feedback, I mean focusing on specific examples of what they said, how they said it, or what they did rather than generalities or interpretations,” I said. “For example, telling someone, ‘You’re being aggressive,’ is not behavioral; it’s an interpretation of their behavior. Alternatively, if I said, ‘During our last team meeting, you interrupted me three times and raised your voice each time,’
-Page 257
Getting feedback ground rules: 1. No pushback or defensiveness: be curious and remember that perception is reality. 2. Take notes and ask questions only for clarification. 3. Be open-minded and assume good intentions.
-Page 266
Someone told me I was delusional. I almost fell off my unicorn. —SOMEECARDS.COM
-Page 300
Tools to use for better insights: What Not Why 2. Comparing and contrasting 3. Reframing 4. Hitting pause 5. Thought-stopping 6. Reality checks 7. Solutions-mining
-Page 278
his outrageous comments were often followed by a canned laugh track, to the viewer, they seemed comical and surprisingly endearing. I decided that the next time my boss said something so cruel that it made me want to cry, I’d imagine a laugh track behind it instead. Now, it would be inaccurate to say that this completely transformed my experience of working for him, but the tool did make it that much more bearable
-Page 301
Compassion without judgment 2. Float feet-first, let the raft pass the rough water patch 3. Reframing 4. What can he/she teach me? 5. Laugh track 6. State your needs literally saying I need you to.. 7. Clarify your boundaries 8. Walk away 9. Confront with compassion Hardcover I will admit to being pleasantly surprised with the writing. When I raised this at Bookclub, it sounded like everyone else was flabbergasted by this opinion, but I stand by my point as the nearest comparison to a similar book is still that DREADFUL book about Drowning or Grief or whatever. Ugh.
This would have likely earned a 4th star had she not chosen to refer to people as unicorns. But for the most part, her non-original reorganization of recognized neurological-psychology was actually pretty useful. The score is actually closer to 3.5 for me, if only because of the worksheets and appendices she chose to include with the book, which are actually supremely helpful and useful. Looking forward to working through it, just so I can verbalize some things to my self.
She actually sites things, which is refreshing and unusual, too. Still if she had committed herself to 1 anecdote per chapter and removed her self-inserts she would have accomplished her goal and the book would have been half as long. Hardcover I'm a sucker for these books. Let's acknowledge that up front. I'm a career management nerd, so I'm all about books that deal with making yourself a more effective person in whatever field you apply your energies to. There are so many books out there targeted at people looking for this kind of advice, and many of them are abysmally bad. This one's not! It is occasionally deeply irritating, yes. Whomever picks this book up from the little free lending library in which I eventually leave it may raise their eyebrows at some of the marginalia I felt compelled to add when particularly frustrated, but it is balanced out with plenty of underlining of ideas I felt were compelling and well-stated. I could have lived without quite so many anecdotes, particularly those involving the author herself, who can come off a bit privileged and insincere. In fact, I want to blame her editorial team for some of the more irritating details, because it almost seemed she was following instructions to present her case studies in a certain tone that didn't feel natural. Luckily, the book makes up for its defects with a strong emphasis on actionable material. The end matter is full of appendices and exercises to help you self-evaluate and do real work to improve your ability to see yourself more clearly and make adjustments to behaviors that aren't working for you. Not every exercise makes perfect sense, but I appreciate that some of them restate questions from different angles that encourage you to double-check your own assumptions. For example, one exercise asks you to reflect on the values you were raised with that you still hold, and provides a list of values you might consider in case you're stuck. Answering questions like this with a provided list of values nearby tends to result in a larger result set, as we tend to pick things that we think we should choose because we saw the word and feel that not picking it implies we don't value it. A later question asks what values and behaviors you would most want to instill in your children. For me, at least, this question helped me narrow in very quickly to five values that resonate very deeply, and thus resulted in clearer insight about what it is that I really care about and can cultivate further to motivate me when I seek to improve. Hardcover An excellent apologia for performance review, not an account of the science of self-awareness as claimed in the blurb. This is not Thinking, Fast and Slow for self-awareness.
If you live in the USA, are a managerial worker, and want to get more out of performance reviews then you will get a lot out of this book. Otherwise, if you hoped to learn something about the science of self-awareness, then you will likely be disappointed, because after reading this book I still do not know what that means and whether there genuinely is an established science on the subject.
I suspect after reading this book that there is not such a thing. Instead, the author has used this device to cohere a lot of helpful insights on how we can reflect on our behaviour. I base this suspicion on the lack of references to other researchers in the field beyond well known results that are only tangentially connected, and upon the basic problem with the material, namely that it fails to sufficiently distinguish between the in-the-present nature of awareness and the upon-reflection nature of assessment.
The account is further undermined by extensive anecdotes and overly stretched metaphors. The anecdotes are particularly problematic, because they are so clearly fictional. In particular, they are just too neat, employ an all seeing narrator, and trade almost exclusively in stereotypes. In person, they are probably great ice breakers. As part of a text, they weaken the case being made. This problem is worst in the opening and closing portions. Lacking a rich source material the final chapter devolved into a folksy and glib stoicism for dealing with self absorbed people.
UPDATE: For a superb book that does explain why we are not self aware see The Enigma of Reason. Hardcover Title: Insight
Author: Tasha Eurich
Publisher: Crown Business
Reviewed By: Arlena Dean
Rating: Five
Review:
Insight: Why We're Not as Self-Aware as We Think, and How Seeing Ourselves Clearly Helps Us Succeed at Work and in Life by Tasha Eurich
My Thoughts....
This was definitely a wonderful read for anyone wanting to increase their self awareness through scientific finding and some authentic stories that will definitely help in the way you may be perceived. The read will help one in asking the question what instead of why as it offered ups such informative, colorful and even some humor. I loved how this author was able to give the readers some anecdotes coming from her own practice and in the end making the read a educational read along with her appendix which was a great tool to use too. By the end of this read one will be able to see that we should never stop seeking personal insight in order to form stronger relationships, teams and growth.
These are definitely some steps one can do in order to evaluate just where you are now and even some ideas on how one must chance especially if you don't like the feedback you hear. Now, I will say one has to be in the right frame of mind to be open and receptive to any change one may want in there life. Sometimes it may be a forever journey getting to this place, but it is worth the effect to try.
In the end I will take from the read Insight being a good read of how to get a good sense of how others may see you through self-awareness with some detailed exercises for developing that skill. This is definitely a read for therapist, managers and anyone interested in improving themselves as a human being. As for me I can only say its teaching me my own self-awareness and lack thereof. I am still working on this thought-provoking process.
Hardcover
The first definitive book exploring the science of self-awareness, the meta-skill of the 21st century, Insight is a fascinating journey into everyone's favorite topic: themselves.
Do you know who you really are? Do you ever wonder how other people really see you? Though we are usually confident that we do, we are wrong more often than we think. And if we could see ourselves through others eyes, we might be really surprised.
Yet regardless of our line of work or stage of life, success depends on understanding who we are and how we come across. Research shows that self-awareness means better work performance, smarter life choices, deeper, more meaningful relationships, and a more fulfilling career. There s just one problem: people can be remarkably poor judges of their behavior, performance, and impact on others. And despite the lip service given today to feedback, in the business world and beyond, it s rare to get candid, objective data on what we re doing well, and where we could stand to improve.
Of course, at work and in life, we ve all come across people with a stunning lack of self-awareness but how often do we consider whether we might have the same problem? And if we did, how would we even know it?
Drawing on her three-year, first-of-its-kind study of people who have dramatically improved their self-awareness, organizational psychologist Tasha Eurich reveals why we don t know ourselves as well as we think and what to do about it. Alongside her research, she integrates hundreds of academic studies and her 15 years of work with Fortune 500 clients, challenging conventional wisdom to reveal many surprising truths like why introspection is the enemy of insight, how experience isn t a bullet train to self-knowledge, and just how far others will go to avoid telling us the truth about ourselves.
Readers will learn battle-tested techniques and tools to improve self-awareness and thus their work performance, leadership skills, interpersonal relationships, and more. Insight is a guide surviving and thriving in an unaware world. Insight: Why Were Not as Self-Aware as We Think, and How Seeing Ourselves Clearly Helps Us Succeed at Work and in Life