When the Body Says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress By Gabor Mate
Although I love and respect Gabor Mate as a Dr, speaker and public figure this book has been the biggest disappointment ever. I myself have been diagnosed a few months ago and the cases he presents are 80% people dying in misery alone as they have had emotional issues their whole life that lead to a disease. Worth investigating and presenting the power of positivity and love, meditation and inner work in the fight for physical diseases too, would not recommend reading it if you are suffering from a serious condition or it will make you feel at your worst. When the Body Says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress Treat the whole, not the parts merely in isolation.Gabor Mate speaks on that which so many of us already know but have suppressed due to environmental and societal programmings. Each area of 'stress' whether it be psychological, emotional, physical, internal, external, environmental, projected from others, coming from one's self etc over time, places an increasing burden on one's psyche resulting in implosion.Gabor Mate elucidates the consequences of one's refusal to say No and act accordingly. One's psyche, which was always giving you signs, eventually says enough and will no longer function optimally.It is truly peculiar to try to assist a person to optimal health without first understanding their history, their environment, their mindset and habits, their working and non working conditions , the covert and overt prejudices imposed on them; the effect of eg harmful and detrimental housing and city planning policies.Can you imagine the long term effect of people pleasing on your body and mind? When do you rest?Can you imagine the extreme stress of being on the receiving end of people with personality and extreme psychological disorders? There should, therefore, be no surprise at actual and psychosomatic illnesses.An excellent book.Thank you Gabor Mate. When the Body Says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress Potentially a good book but I found myself dodging cruel animal experiments and I’m now too tired to carry on. (I reached page 32).I’m a biologist and had to deal enough with all that during my studies. I was hoping that a book on stress would not add stress on to the reader filling the reader with animal cruelties. It is superfluous and damaging. Removing all that it would be a good book mentioning specific human cases, their health condition and the stresses that according to the author lead to it.But I feel too much like walking on a mine field so I think I will let it go. When the Body Says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress As we know deep in our bones, mind and body are not separate, despite the false separation propagated by Descartes and much western philosophy and science. This is not to deny that evidence based science has brought immense gains for humankind, but to assert that we in the West have much to learn.In this seminal work of 2003, the eminent and retired Canadian physician, Dr Gabor Maté, brought to popular attention the essential connectedness of human physical health and emotional and spiritual well being, by detailing how deep seated emotional imbalances (especially related to stress) trigger major illnesses. Maté ends with essential wisdom on emotional healing processes, concluding that ‘health rests on three pillars: the body, the psyche, and the spiritual connection. To ignore any one of these is to invite imbalance and dis ease.’His subsequent books and teachings on addiction, mental health and childhood all draw from these insights – which are as old as mankind. (Maté does not look at the healthcare spending implications of his teachings, for example, the disparity between the massive sums spent on drug, genetic and other mechanistic healthcare interventions and that spent on mental and emotional healthcare and research.)An important caution, which Maté emphasises, is that this approach is not about blaming anyone for their illness, which would be counter productive and frankly wrong. Rather, the book is about getting to the usually unconscious nub of what is going wrong, with compassion, in order to serve as a catalyst for personal transformation, where this is possible. Though the author does not say so, for someone already suffering from a major illness, this book may not be appropriate.The central context is that Western obsession with narrow definition and measurement has brought about a profound blindness regarding the connectedness of everything not least how the health of human beings should not be described in isolation from the environment in which we develop, live, work, play, love and die.Medicine has yet to assimilate an important lesson of Einstein's theory of relativity (or relatedness): that the position (and perspective) of an observer will influence the phenomenon being observed and will affect the results of the observation. An implication from this is that there is no such thing as objective diagnosis, and that a holistic approach must be adopted. The narrowness of most Western medicine, in largely excluding psychological and behavioural insight and healing from its purely physical diagnoses and prognoses, disseminates much harm. As Ivan Ilyich wrote in Limits to Medicine, 'Medicine tells us as much about the meaningful performance of healing, suffering and dying as chemical analysis tells us about the aesthetic value of pottery.'Not all Western doctors have been so clinically limited. Noel Hershfield, from the University of Calgary, summed up some time ago what a minority of professors had noticed, that 'there is compelling evidence that an intimate relationship exists between the brain and the immune system An individual's emotional make up, and the response to continued stress, may indeed be causative in the many diseases that medicine treats diseases such scleroderma and the vast majority of rheumatic disorders, diabetes, multiple sclerosis, and legions of other conditions', including, as Gabor shows, cancer. There is now a field of medicine which focuses on this pathological psychological causal link, called by the ugly moniker of psychoneuroimmunology.MAJOR ILLNESSES AND THEIR EMOTIONAL TRIGGERSDr Maté takes the reader through a wide range of cases histories (perhaps too many), focusing by chapter on various chronic and potentially terminal diseases, notably various types of cancer. By looking at the patient's life experiences especially parental and partner relationships as well as physical and neurological symptoms, he brings to light how stress and repression in its many forms is a major trigger in illness. Stress is not the only cause, as we all have genetic, physiological and behavioural tendencies or pre conditions. However, the author and a growing body of mainstream Western science contends that emotional disturbance greatly increases the risk of contracting most immunological diseases.Major illnesses and the psychological states which greatly increase the risk of contracting them include: ALS (amyotrophic lateral sclerosis) aka motor neurone disease. Psychological pre condition characteristics: repression of emotions: a history of emotional deprivation or loss in childhood: avoiding asking for help; compulsive sense of duty; over achievers or workaholics; ALS sufferers are usually very nice people. ALS may result from an exhausted nervous system becoming incapable of replenishing itself, experienced psychologically as a sense of being 'buried alive'.⁃ Breast cancer. Psychological pre condition characteristics: emotional disconnection from parents or other upbringing disturbances; inability to express or deal appropriately with anger, masked by a facade of pleasantness; compulsive caregiving or self sacrificing behaviour; feeling that one is never good enough.⁃ Lung cancer. In the mechanistic view, lung cancer results from damage to the DNA of a cell by noxious substances. But why are some smokers far susceptible to this than others? Cigarette smoking does not by itself cause lung cancer, though it does vastly increase the risk of cancer of the lung, bladder, throat and other organs. It is a combination of factors which cause lung cancer, and one of the main ones is long standing emotional repression, especially the repression of anger.⁃ Melanoma. Psychological pre condition characteristics: extremely cooperative, patient, passive, lacking assertiveness; suppressing negative emotions, especially anger.⁃ Heart disease. Psychological pre condition characteristics: angry, tense, fast, aggressive, desperate to be in control. Multiple sclerosis, scleroderma, most (or all?) other cancers, rheumatism, Alzheimer’s, diabetes and many other conditions – including depression are also covered. Parental upbringing is implicated in most cases (see below).HOW PSYCHIC STATES AFFECT THE BODYWhat is the physical process by which emotions affect our physical health? Chapter Seven gives a detailed description. The starting point is that the brain, the nervous system, immune organs and cells, and the hormone producing endocrine glands are all linked through many pathways. The glands are directly wired to the central nervous system, and thus the brain communicates to the thyroid and adrenal glands, for example, or to the testes, ovaries or other organs. In turn, hormones and immune cell substances directly affect brain activity. The hub of this mosaic of biochemical cross talk is the hypothalamic pituitary adrenal (HPS) axis, through which both psychological and physical stimuli are set in motion by the body's responses to threat.'Psychological factors such as uncertainty, conflict, lack of control, and lack of information are considered the most stressful stimuli, and strongly activate the HPS axis.' Long and intense loneliness can also lead to serious physical breakdown.Thus, our emotions interact with hormones, immune defences and the nervous system. In cancer causation, disturbed hormonal activity and impaired immune defences both play a role. In other words, excess and prolonged emotional stress triggers the over production of hormones or other nervous reactions, which eventually leads to the destruction of key cells in parts of the body which are already susceptible or weak due to inherited or other pre conditions. We all have physical weaknesses, which prolonged stress will find out and attack.PARENTAL AND GENERATIONAL INFLUENCESThe major strand of the book (Chapter Sixteen) is how stress and anxiety can be unintentionally transmitted across the generations not via DNA but via a parent's failure to communicate unconditional acceptance of the child in the early years. (And the parent may be reproducing the relationship with his/her own parents.) Fundamentally, the problem is that the child develops self critical beliefs which cause an overload of stress – and unhappiness – and this can generate many physical diseases.These deeply embedded and largely unconscious attitudes include (but are not limited to) the following: I have to be strong (because I am not supported by my parents) It is not right for me to be angry If I am angry, I will not be loveable I’m responsible for the whole world (perhaps linked to fear of abandonment) I can handle anything (nothing I do is good enough) I’m not wanted because I’m not loveable I don’t exist unless I do/say something: I must justify my existence (possibly born of latent anger after being neglected as an independent person as a child) I have to be very ill to deserve being taken care of (often depression inducing, possibly leading to severe physical illness)To discover full health, it is essential to begin the slow and painful task of becoming fully aware of the attitudes which we have learnt as a very young child in order to please, or adapt to, our parents (see below). Being driven by (mostly unconscious) self critical beliefs creates deep internal conflict since there is a lack of authenticity – we are not able completely to relax into being ourselves, and thus we are wearing a mask, even if we do not know it, and this comes with a high, psychic and ultimately physical cost: at some point, the body will say ‘no’. To transcend this, we must recognise and re discover our own inner value and life. Many therapies and rites of passage are available to help this healing process, and psychotherapy is often the way.Related to this is the fact that highly adaptive people and families, on average, have fewer (or less severe) physical illnesses. Since the degree of adaptiveness is determined by the multigenerational emotional process, chronic or severe physical illness, like emotional illness, is a disorder of the family emotional system, including present and past generations.Though the author does not emphasise this, being altruistic and self controlled is not a function of being repressed, but is the most profoundly natural, human response to the world. The problem is when either of these states is out of balance with healthy self care. We need to love ourselves as much as we love others – neither nor less – avoiding self neglect as much as self indulgence.Socio economic factors, such a job stress, are another huge influence on health. They can be significant says the author than physical factors, for example, such as high cholesterol and smoking in causing heart disease.EMOTIONAL HEALINGMoving on to what we can do about such emotional issues, in Chapter 19, Dr Gabor Maté outlines what he calls the seven A’s of healing to help us grow into emotional competence. In simplistic summary, these are: Acceptance = the willingness to recognise and accept things as they are, including the unavoidable limitations in our own life and learning to live with the limitations of others. This does not mean allowing people to walk over us, or over others. Awareness = reclaiming the lost capacity for emotional truth recognition, such as for deep seated anger, sadness, frustration, loneliness and other such difficult aspects which may be buried within us Anger = learning assertiveness with boundaries and without repression or abnormal (out of control, disproportionate) venting or rage Autonomy = reclaiming boundaries of our ‘self’ and developing the internal centre of control Attachment = overcoming deep seated fear of emotional vulnerability and welcoming our own need for intimate contact and connectedness with others. Frustrated self isolation and loneliness, says Dr Gabor Maté, lies behind all deep anger. Assertion = the declaration to ourselves and to the world that we exist, and that we are who we are. This does not mean equating reality with tumult or action, or that we must justify our existence. Assertion may mean letting go of the need to act. Affirmation = moving towards two basic spiritual values: 1. our own creative self, i.e. expressing our vitality via the particular channels and speeds which are appropriate and available for us; 2. affirming the universe, and our connectedness with all that is. All human beings have a fundamental deep drive to seek a spiritual connection with the universe, which may take religious, artistic or other forms (such as cooking, gardening, animal care, yoga etc).These ‘seven A’s of healing’ are not too far removed from the classic seven stages of grief or other such detailed emotional guidance processes, though they are significantly different. Awareness of imbalance is surely the most important first step, and this comes from developing a degree of self reflection. After that, we may need to ask for help, or to share with someone. When the Body Says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress I had heard good reviews of this book from several people and was very much looking forward to reading this.Right at the start you learn that any situation of stress causes changes in the body that can lead to negative repercussions for the body. (That is a good thing to know so that you can work on keeping stress levels down. )This is then told again and again in every chapter. You are told repeatedly about people dying because of something that happened in their life usually because of a parent/being unable to say no/repressing feelings. In fact each chapter is just people dying because if thisThe book becomes and depressing for a total of 18 chapters with the final chapter being about how to change it all so that you won't get a chronic illness or die from something awful. But the info in that last chapter is rather vague.This could have been wrapped up in a magazine article rather than a book. It is also incredibly depressing.I also think this could be extremely triggering for anyone who's had one of the illnesses mentioned, cancer for instance, as it basically says that it's your fault for getting it.This is such a random book. I don't often think buying a book was a waste of money but this was. It was also a waste of time. I read to the very end expecting to eventually learn something amazing. I didn't. When the Body Says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress
Can a person literally die of loneliness? Is there a connection between the ability to express emotions and Alzheimer’s disease? Is there such a thing as a ‘cancer personality’? Drawing on deep scientific research and Dr Gabor Maté’s acclaimed clinical work, When the Body Says No provides the answers to critical questions about the mind body link – and the role that stress and our emotional makeup play in an array of common diseases. When the Body Says No: Explores the role of the mind body link in conditions and diseases such as arthritis, cancer, diabetes, heart disease, irritable bowel syndrome and multiple sclerosis. Shares dozens of enlightening case studies and stories, including those of people such as Lou Gehrig (ALS), Betty Ford (breast cancer), Ronald Reagan (Alzheimer’s), Gilda Radner (ovarian cancer) and Lance Armstrong (testicular cancer) Reveals ‘The Seven A’s of Healing’: principles in healing and the prevention of illness from hidden stress.
When the Body Says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress