This is a really good book. Clear, logical, and helpful. I think the different exchanges between the husband and wife are so cute. They remind me of how my neurotypical hubby helps me with things. I am going to suggest this to my book club as our next possible selection when it's my turn to host. What to Say Next: Successful Communication in Work, Life, and Love—with Autism Spectrum Disorder I highly, highly recommend this book if you fall on the spectrum, if you love someone on the spectrum, work with someone on the spectrum, or really if you want a better understanding of how others may think in and feel that are different than you.
The book is written by a wife/husband team and mostly deals with communication and relationships between someone on the spectrum and someone who may be considered not part of the spectrum. Mostly the book deals with adult topics, such as work environments, coupling and the move into parenthood. I would suggest this book to late high school/college age students on the spectrum to help them start to think of ways they can successfully communicate without their iep/504 to back them up. To start building the tools early. I would recommend this book to the parents of kids on the spectrum as young as middle school, so you would have ideas on things to suggest and understand in certain circumstances. What to Say Next: Successful Communication in Work, Life, and Love—with Autism Spectrum Disorder This book was like several wrapped into one.
The business advice...probably most useful for new grads, or those still flummoxed by work place social expectations. Things like breaking down the power dynamics in your management chain and how to maintain control in meetings. Not super relevant to me at the moment, but full of useful advice.
The relationship advice...Nannery says most of her advice comes from another book, which is sadly not available as an audiobook but I'm gunna need to read it stat because this section was extremely relatable.
The parenting advice...I have some quibbles here...Nannery discusses natural consequences several times, but what she describes are not natural, they are still adult imposed. Logical consequences, not natural. Her advice is more humane than many parenting approaches out there but is still painfully rooted in behavioralism. Setting that aside, her larger arguments are sound and compassionate (meet kids where they are, have realistic expectations, set them up for success, take them seriously, understand that it's can't not won't).
I really enjoyed her writing. Her examples are specific and detailed, direct and factual. No vague handwaving leaving you to guess wtaf she is nattering on about. The asides from her husband were charming and showed a deep empathy for and appreciation of his wife that was sweet to read.
Enjoyable and well worth the read.
What to Say Next: Successful Communication in Work, Life, and Love—with Autism Spectrum Disorder Oh my goodness, this is a wonderful book, absolutely spot on with almost everything she writes about, lots of lightbulbs firing for me and I nodded along the whole time. I have bought the ebook (I listened to the audiobook) so that I can make lots of highlights. It's very clearly written, with examples of conversations etc to demonstrate her points. Tons of helpful stuff (for both autistic people and neurotypicals), and to be honest I really could have benefited from reading this book back in my late teens!
The authors come across as a lovely husband-and-wife team that are clearly so supportive and empathetic with each other, though I will add that while that's heart-warming and having input from both perspectives was invaluable, it is worth bearing in mind that although the majority of the book is written by and from Sarah's (autistic) perspective, her partnership with her husband is very prominent throughout the book and may feel a little alienating for those in different circumstances. I would still highly recommend it though, and you can of course opt to skip the chapters that aren't relevant to your life (Sarah says so herself in the introductory chapter).
The only other thing I do want to say is that chunks of the book (especially the chapters about work) can feel like an instruction manual for how to interact in a neurotypical world, and while like I said it is spot on and extremely helpful and detailed (right down to tips on how to conduct five minutes of smalltalk - and I found it fascinating to learn why that's so important for neurotypicals), it did on occasion cause a part of me to think: what is wrong with being different anyway, why should we change our natural selves just to fit in with what can often feel like a fake, energy-sapping way of communicating? And isn't it more important to encourage employers, colleagues and friends to learn about autism and how to make accommodations, rather than autistic people just learn how to basically behave as though they're neurotypical?
However, I do know the authors agree with me and I don't think they intended those sections to come across that way (Sarah includes a warning at the beginning that the book is not intended to be about dangerous long-term 'masking'). It also includes lots of information about Sarah's internal experiences and how she takes care of herself (e.g. in terms of her sensory needs as well as emotional), and how her neurotypical husband supports her. After all, they had a clear aim and purpose for the book and achieved really well what they set out to achieve.
I loved the concluding chapter, which began with a quote from Pamela Parlapiano (all the chapters began with a nice quote from someone!):
“The most precious thing we have in the entire world is our individuality.” What to Say Next: Successful Communication in Work, Life, and Love—with Autism Spectrum Disorder what to say next is a great book to look into the daily challenges of what is it like to be in the autism spectrum.
with her neurotypical husband, sarah nannery tackles challenges in the workplace, how she navigates personal & professional relationships, marriage & parenthood - which could be challenging for someone with ASD.
at a time where more and more people are being diagnosed with ASD, this book tells the important truths about what it takes to make it in a neurotypical world and still be true to yourself. 🙌
i did find the writing abit dry and it was more technical than i thought but i really really learnt a lot of things from sarah's experiences - on her daily life and interactions. most importantly, it made me realize that everyone is different and that itself, its beautiful. :') i also felt that its so important to start from ourselves and our own level of awareness, openness, and information when it comes to inclusion. the more we work on ourselves, the easier it will be to be sensitive to others & be inclusive naturally.
people with autism deserve to be treated as completely equal to neurotypical people. lets continue to build awareness, show inclusiveness, understanding and acceptance for those on the autism spectrum 💓🧩
What to Say Next: Successful Communication in Work, Life, and Love—with Autism Spectrum Disorder
Using her personal experience living as a professional woman with Autism Spectrum Disorder , Sarah Nannery, together with her husband, Larry, offers this timely communication guide for anyone on the Autism spectrum looking to successfully navigate work, life, and love.
When Sarah Nannery got her first job at a small nonprofit, she thought she knew exactly what it would take to advance. But soon she realized that even with hard work and conscientiousness, she was missing key meanings and messages embedded in her colleagues’ everyday requests, feedback, and praise. She had long realized her brain operated differently than others, but now she knew for sure: she had Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD).
With help from her neurotypical partner—now husband—Larry, mostly in frantic IM chats, Sarah rose to Director of Development at one of the world’s largest nonprofits. Together they have tackled challenges in how Sarah navigates personal and professional relationships, how they navigate marriage and parenthood, all of which are differently challenging for someone with ASD. But she wonders, at times, how life would be different if she’d had to figure it all out herself. So, in What to Say Next, she offers advice, empathy, and straightforward strategies from her own tool-kit—not only for others who see the world differently, but for their families, partners and colleagues.
In What to Say Next, Sarah breaks down everyday situations—the chat in the break room, the last-minute meeting, the unexpected run-in—in granular detail, explaining not only how to understand the goals of others, but also how to frame your own. Larry adds his thoughts from a neurotypical perspective, sharing what was going on in his brain and how he learned to listen and enlighten, while supporting and maintaining Sarah’s voice. At a time when more and more people are being diagnosed with ASD—especially women and girls—this book tells important truths about what it takes to make it in a neurotypical world, and still be true to yourself. What to Say Next: Successful Communication in Work, Life, and Love—with Autism Spectrum Disorder
Just another book for ASD folks to have to do more and more work to survive. There is a lot of good info but it’s all on the ASD person to do. Nothing here connects with how to talk to other people about how they can contribute to a better relationship. It is not on ASD people to remake their entire lives so that mediocre NT folks can continue to put in little effort. It is exhausting to bombarded with resources for how to fix myself when I am not the problem! The problem is both parties not figuring it out together. It’s on everyone else as much as me. The author seems to view herself as lesser than her husband. It’s on her to provide everything her NT husband needs. Don’t like small talk? Well that provides the chemical release for NT people. Great, are they going to allow us to have a similar chemical release in a way that we choose? Probably not. What to Say Next: Successful Communication in Work, Life, and Love—with Autism Spectrum Disorder I'm starting to doubt that I'm neurotypical after reading this book. I could relate so much to Sarah and her way of seeing the world. She explained so many of the things I've struggled with understanding about myself and why I struggled with those things such as my inability to have a good conversation with a stranger (my always feeling I'm a few steps behind in the conversation), my social awkwardness, my difficulty with making decisions, proceeding from vague directions or subjective decision-making, and just understanding others. Growing up with a twin has helped me blend in a because I always followed my twin sister's lead but now that I'm an adult I've had to face the reasons for why it was so hard for me. Some of the things explained in this book were things I've already figured out and it felt like I was reading a summary of the lessons I've learned but some things were new. All of the stuff about work politics was interesting. I'm definitely going to have to keep that in mind for my future. What to Say Next: Successful Communication in Work, Life, and Love—with Autism Spectrum Disorder This book really made me feel seen and heard as someone who is in the process of getting evaluated for Autism. It's amazing how much Sarah's experiences reflect mine so much! I've always thought of myself as an emotional person who never thinks analytically (except when it comes to video games). Some of the many similarities include: naturally not understanding social cues in a group setting, hating small talk, having a hyperliteral one-track mind (not understanding puns and jokes 80-90% of the time), negative spirals, repeating phrases and words during negative situations, etc.
Thank you Sarah and Larry sharing your story. It helped me learn more about myself and how to better navigate the NT world we live in. What to Say Next: Successful Communication in Work, Life, and Love—with Autism Spectrum Disorder If you've ever needed a textbook for understanding what is happening between the lines - this book is for that. I wish I had this before I've started out in the corporate world. Some awkward silences where I dig my brain for something to say to successfully participate in casual conversation could have been avoided.
It doesn't matter if you have ASD brain or not. What to Say Next: Successful Communication in Work, Life, and Love—with Autism Spectrum Disorder This book was an insightful overview of the communication complications that occur in neurodiverse relationships. It provides simple how-to instructions on how to navigate work, friends, and family for those with autism. It’s worth picking up if you want to understand ND people in your life, but also I would take some advice with a grain of salt since it’s coming from this specific author’s life experiences What to Say Next: Successful Communication in Work, Life, and Love—with Autism Spectrum Disorder
