**true rating 3.5
The first '5 Love Languages' book I've read: very practical but a bit redundant. Chapman speaks from his own experience and other parents he has counseled--he knows his stuff. However, Chapman strongly appeals to one specific sect of families: suburban, Christian, middle-class, white families. This is understandable. Chapman is not a minority, therefore he has no expertise to speak into the complicated minority parent-teenager struggle. I've personally read this to understand how to love better as a youth pastor--some things were very valuable.
cf. www.sooholee.wordpress.com English https://ayearofbooksblog.com/2017/10/...
After finishing the audiobook above, I moved on the the version of love languages specific to teens. At times, it was insightful and made me think of what love language was important to each of my children.
This book may have had some great messages but I did not relate to the religious messaging and did not think the examples were representative of the issues that today’s teens experience. The tone seemed to express homophobic views as he talked about “immorality” and because of this, it will be the last time I read or listen to a book by this author. English This book found me at the library. When I say that, what I mean is that I work at the library and every so often a book will cross my path and speak to me and tell me to read it. This was one of those books.
My kids and I are going through a big change in our lives right now, and one of my priorities is to really connect with them and show them how important they are to me. After reading this book and having my kids all take the online assessment, I really feel like I have a better sense of how to do that.
The book was a very quick read~ a little over 24 hours for me~ and I feel like the information I've gathered is going to help me in a multitude of ways once I put it into action. The result of a little reading and some energy directed in the right way will be solid relationships with four of the people that matter most to me in life. English I was concerned that this book would get a little repetitive if it was only about love languages (which is a brilliant and useful concept). However, it was an all around great book about parenting teens. The author talked about changing the way we parent teens, setting boundaries, dealing with anger, listening, maintaining a good relationship, etc. And of course, the love language concept is a very important component of loving your teen well. If you can only read one book about parenting your teenager, I recommend this one! English Loved this book. If you have teens, you need this book. I read the first Love Languages and found it extremely helpful. This is basically the same but it goes into more detail of how to navigate the languages for the unique needs of your teen. For example, if your child's language is physical touch, how do you show that appropriately to your teenager. It helps you understand how best to show that love and then when to back off. I am planning on reading it again so the messages can really sink in. English
Gary Chapman ô 1 SUMMARY
Despre limbajele iubirii e posibil să mai fi auzit în relațiile de cuplu, cred că pentru asta au și fost definite. Aceste limbaje reprezintă modul în care o persoană înțelege că este iubită. Aceste limbaje sunt: cuvintele (declarațiile de iubire, de ex), timpul, cadourile, serviciile și atingerile.
Ideea principală a acestor limbaje e că partenerul/partenera trebuie să-ți „vorbească” în aceste limbaje, altfel n-o să te simți iubit(ă). Degeaba îți aduce cineva cadouri, dacă limbajul tău este timpul. Degeaba te giugiulește cineva toată ziua, dacă limbajul tău e reprezentat de servicii. Degeaba îți face cineva declarații înfocate, dacă tu vrei atingeri. Și așa mai departe.
Aceste limbaje ale iubirii sunt valabile și la adolescenți în aproximativ aceeași formă (și sunt împărțite și în dialecte, uneori). Chapman detaliază pentru fiecare limbaj metoda cea mai bună de a-l ”vorbi” astfel încât adolescentul nostru să se simtă iubit, înțeles și acceptat.
”Cauza răzvrătirii adolescenților nu este impunerea autorității, ci exercitarea arbitrară a puterii, fără prea multe explicații în ceea ce privește regulile și fără niciun fel de implicare a acestora în luarea deciziilor.”
Cartea conține multe sfaturi foarte bune și un test la final, pe care să-l dați adolescentului să-l completeze. Eu așa am aflat că limbajul fiicei mele este reprezentat de cuvinte, nu de timp, așa cum credeam eu. English The author has been a marriage/family counselor for over 30 years who addresses relationship issues from a Christian worldview. His main premise, that we all need unconditional love and that we all have a certain love language as part of our personality by which we most like to give and receive love. The trick is to discover your teen's primary love language and to express it as often as possible. I always wondered why my mother never gave me hugs and kisses, but lost buttons would magically appear re-sewn onto my clothing and the best portions of meat would show up on my plate (Acts of Service). I used to wonder why my father-in-law seems so materialistic, giving us lots of gifts all the time (Giving of Gifts). I used to wonder why my former boyfriend always had to hold my hand *all* the time (Physical Touch). I wonder why I feel closest to my husband after doing something fun on a nice date (Quality Time). You get the picture. The last of the 5 love languages is Words of Affirmation. This idea of the 5 love languages has hit the secular counseling circles and is in our best interest to learn something about it to improve our relationships. English The only reason I caught up to this series is because our bookgroup chose it. I surmised the gist of the method but had avoided it, perceiving it too hocus/pocus, touchy/feely for my likes. I intended to skim and quickly return it to the library. Imagine my surprise upon discovering parenting stategies that could have been so meaningful years and children ago. My loss, and my family's loss. Chapman has a gift for serving it straight up in a way that is neither belittling or naive. I credit him for his experience and ablility to sort complex issues into realistic application. I enjoyed the book's concrete examples and suggestions vs. abstract theories. With children ages 20, 18, 17 and 12 I walked away from this book a better parent, but not as effective as I could have been reading it a decade ago. English I think I finished it. You know what? I KNOW I finished it. It doesn't matter if the statement is true because I refuse to pick it up again.
I can't understand why Gary Chapman would want to write another book about Love Languages (For teens this time) when the people who understood his first one (for spouses) would very likely be able to translate it into love for teens. The only logical explanation appears to be:for the money.
In any case, I don't care for this book. I think the paper it was written on could've been put to better use. I was utterly bored by it, and just to finish it was a struggle, because frankly, his style of writing needs editing, and I simply felt like I was being lectured throughout the entire book.
Basically, it's the same thing all over again, but he adds in little things he thinks of just before he decides to begin the next chapter like, Set rules, but not too many. Don't treat them like children. Make the rules specific. Make the consequences clear BEFORE the act is committed.
Those are about the most memorable three lines in the entire book. And I think it would've fared better if he'd written it like it was an instruction manual, as follows:
1) Determine the primary love language of teenager
2) Love teenager in all the languages
3) Set rule book
4) Treat them like adults
5) Give em sufficient space
6) Continue to love them when they make mistakes
7) Do not assault them
8) Do not spoil them
9) Train them well
10) Teach responsibility
11) Do not attempt behavior modification. May result in robot-like drones that may or may not bear resentment towards you.
Voila! The entire essence of the book could've fit onto 1 page and a lot less trees would've died.
Maybe he caught me on an off mood, but this is just not a book I'd recommend to anyone. Pick up the one for spouses and once one get's it all down pat, it will work for teens too. I'm most definitely not going to be reading the Five Love Languages of Children.
English I liked the book, The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate, so I bought this - I am going to have a teenager soon. And I am extremely disappointed in my purchase. I found this to be vaguely racist and homophobic, and also just poorly written. English
Who is your teenager listening to? Teenagers today are bombarded by messages from their peers, the Internet, music, movies . . . the list goes on. As parents, you may wonder if your words mean anything at all. If so, take heart: all research indicates that the most significant influence on the life of a teenager comes from his or her parents. Yes--parents! In this updated volume, marriage and family expert Dr. Gary Chapman lays out the tools you need to communicate with your teenager. As Dr. Chapman states, At the root of much teenage misbehavior is a teen's empty love tank. I am not suggesting that parents do not love their teenagers; I am suggesting that thousands of teenagers do not feel that love. For most parents, it is not a matter of sincerity but rather lack of information on how to communicate love effectively on an emotional level. Starting with the world in which your teenager lives, Dr. Chapman walks through the emotional needs of teenagers and how you can best express your love to them. You'll learn how to identify your teenager's love language, how to address their unique need for independence and responsibility, how to combat anger and set up boundaries, and how to best parent your teenager if you are a single parent or a blended family. The Five Love Languages of Teenagers
