Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life By Emily Nagoski

This book is gentle and supportive, and aimed at women who are dealing with emotional blockers in intimate/sexual relationships, and at their partners. (If you are confident and happy in your sexuality and looking for new ideas, or dealing with complex medical issues, then you can probably skip this book.) Nagoski encourages a kind, mindful, nonjudgmental approach to exploring sex. Her writing is repetitive, but I feel that the repetition serves a purpose: she is targeting women who feel beaten down or lost, who need to hear over and over again that they are ok, they are not broken, and they deserve to be happy and feel good. Nagoski introduces topics that range from casually interesting, to extremely vital to the health/safety of our society (ie. Arousal non concordance). I just wish there were advice about practical action steps to change the things we want to change. Hopefully there will be a sequel. Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life I can't even believe an author this intelligent thinks her readers are this stupid. It is supposed to be a scientific book on female sexual health. However, it reads like an extended blog post. She uses colloquial language throughout the entire thing, which was like nails on a chalkboard to me. She actually used the phrase for realsy reals. Well, for realsy reals, if you want me to take you seriously, and not want to punch you, you'll talk to me like an adult and not a pre teen. She also loves the phrase feels instead of emotions. Really? The other super annoying thing about this book is that she constantly says In the Next Chapter You'll Find Out! It's supposed to be a scientific book, not clickbait.

All of this is a real shame, because she has a lot of very good information and teaches about sex in a way that is approachable. Unfortunately, she sails right on past approachable and goes straight to condescending and infantile. I feel like she really could have made a book that should be on every female bedside if she just had a decent editor.

I had heard wonderful reviews about this book by the webcomic Oh Joy Sex Toy by Erika Moen but honestly, you'll get a better experience just reading that comic which is delightful, smart, and informative (and free).

Another point I listened to the audio version of this book and the reader was entirely too perky. I think if you want to read it, you're much better off getting the hard copy since there are quizzes and illustrations. Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life I want to hand this book out like Gospel tracts on street corners. Have you heard the good news? You're normal. Also, you're probably not built like a dude, so don't be surprised that your don't function like one. Take this. Read this. Make your partner read it. Leave it lying around so someone can steal it and find out they're okay too. I bought it in audio and in paper because I need them both. I'm on my third read. Seriously, read this book. Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life For the men out there who love women, here's a book that takes a lot of the mystery out of women's sexuality (We really wouldn't want to take ALL the mystery away, would we?). Emily Nagoski is a self described sex nerd with the credentials, experience and writing chops to back up that claim. Guys, you're going to love this read.

Written specifically for women, Come as You Are offers a world of advice for women trying to navigate this sex negative world we live in. But trust me, guys, you'll find than enough information in there to improve your very own sexuality, too. And you can probably imagine that improving your own outlook on sex just might help the woman you love improve hers, too. Sex is a team sport, right?

Emily is spot on with her science, her psychology and her outlook. And she's funny as hell to boot. This is not just a good read; it's a good, fun, highly educational read that should help all of us women and men get a lot satisfaction out of our various love lives. Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life Come As You Are has been the greatest book on sexuality that I have ever picked up! I am a clinical counseling graduate student and have found a fascination in human sexuality. This book is AMAZING!! Not only does it fulfil my “student” needs in regards to being able to learn from a clinical perspective, but it also fulfils my womanly/wifely needs too! Arousal and desire and the science behind those have been in interest of mine within my educational background. But it is rare for me to gain insight for my own personal needs! I didn’t expect to enjoy this book on a personal level and will FOREVER encourage my counseling clients to read this book as well if they are struggling with their sex lives.
Dr. Emily Nagoski is such a joy to read. Not only does she write using science and facts, but she gives such detail and simplistic terms that anyone can understand! Emily, a blog writer, covers so many great topics in this book that really detail the “Why’s” behind sexual arousal and desire. She covers many topics including emotions, mindfulness, attachment, and the science behind how the brain works! Her joyful writing style really makes this an easy read and is just so entertaining!
On a personal level, I really transformed my own feelings towards sexuality. Instead of being so clinical about my own feelings and emotions, I’m becoming interested in finding what I enjoy about sex. Obviously, my husband isn’t complaining either 😊
Whether or not you have intimacy concerns or any type of sexual dysfunction, I truly believe that everyone can learn something about their own relationships and sexuality. This book is truly amazing and so enjoyable! I highly encourage you to read this one! Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life

An essential exploration of why and how womens sexuality worksbased on groundbreaking research and brain sciencethat will radically transform your sex life into one filled with confidence and joy.

Researchers have spent the last decade trying to develop a pink pill for women to function like Viagra does for men. So where is it? Well, for reasons this book makes crystal clear, that pill will never be the answerbut as a result of the research thats gone into it, scientists in the last few years have learned about how womens sexuality works than we ever thought possible, and Come as You Are explains it all.

The first lesson in this essential, transformative book by Dr. Emily Nagoski is that every woman has her own unique sexuality, like a fingerprint, and that women vary than men in our anatomy, our sexual response mechanisms, and the way our bodies respond to the sexual world. So we never need to judge ourselves based on others experiences. Because women vary, and thats normal.

Second lesson: sex happens in a context. And all the complications of everyday life influence the context surrounding a womans arousal, desire, and orgasm.

Cutting edge research across multiple disciplines tells us that the most important factor for women in creating and sustaining a fulfilling sex life, is not what you do in bed or how you do it, but how you feel about it. Which means that stress, mood, trust, and body image are not peripheral factors in a womans sexual wellbeing; they are central to it. Once you understand these factors, and how to influence them, you can create for yourself better sex and profound pleasure than you ever thought possible.

And Emily Nagoski can prove it. Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life

Honestly this book is amazing everyone should read it! After 3 chapters I immediately ordered a copy for my friend and since then I have two further women reading it. We have bursts of excited chatter whenever we pass in the corridor about what we've learnt. These are woman of all different ages from 25 to 60 and relationship status from single or married to divorced and we have all got something from it. Mainly that we are normal, everyone is normal.
If you are feeling worried about your sexual self is some way I encourage you to read this book, hell if you aren't worried read this book. It is easy to read and totally fascinating and may just change your life. It changed mine! Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life Very informative book that makes you think and reflect on not just your own sexuality but the sexuality of society as a whole.

I picked this up (after reading some reviews) with the intention of trying to give my SO (who has some body image and anxiety issues) a little bit of a confidence boost. I began reading the first chapter to make sure this was a legitimate book and not some unfounded claptrap (like a lot of self help books). Suddenly I was half way through the book and thoroughly engaged. This book is obviously aimed at women but as a man I feel this could actually teach you a lot about your female partner. A theme that crops up in the book is the pressure a woman can feel to perform for a partner who craves their love which creates the adverse effect of reducing the woman's desire for intimacy because they feel pressured to do so. This is fine for the woman realising this by reading it in this book but without the partner learning it, it would still be a one sided realisation so I recommend reading this together as a couple. I wish there was a book in the same vein aimed for the male partner or even a book that encompasses both sides in a relationship.

The book so far has been a thoroughly interesting read backing up the science with evidence provided by past researchers in the field and dropping their names so you can look them up yourself if you want further reading. The science is explained plainly and with some extremely easy to understand metaphors. The rat and the lemon section for example was like a realisation of something you kind of always knew but when spelled out to you that human brains are not as complex as you might have assumed it seems so obvious once it is explained plainly how we tick. Each chapter even has a TLDR section at the end to recap and summarise the previous lesson or message the chapter is teaching you.

If I can summarise the messages I am getting from this book it is that no matter what problems you feel you have in your love life or with your body (and so many people seem to have such a variety of issues which this book gives examples of) it is that you don't have a problem at all and you are not broken you are completely normal and there are scientific explanations to explain why you are experiencing what you perceive to be problems.

If you want to unravel the ball of string in your mind that is your own perception of your or your partners (or societies) sexuality so you can see both ends of the string (and everything in between) I recommend this book. If you are a couple with a healthy sex life or a couple experiencing a perceived rough patch I would recommend this to both parties as it could improve anyone's understanding of their and others sexual self.

My reason for four stars rather than five is the same reason given as others was that at some points you feel like you are about to get an answer to one of your specific perceived issues (the reason you bought the book) and then the author will say on this in chapter 5 which can be frustrating but it definitely keeps you reading and learning than just the specific issue you were looking for an answer for. This does make you learn a lot than why you probably bought the book so it is beneficial to you, but if you wanted a quick answer to why am I like X it might frustrate you, but carry on reading and you will learn a lot than you thought you would. Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life I have struggled with self awareness and self love for a long time. I'm not going to say this book cured me but its leading me in the right direction.
It's very thorough and goes into detail with real life examples and answers to questions I could find the answers to else where (internet etc).
Theres scientific background and research in this book which makes it alot credible.
In general, the book makes me feel normal in regards to all the sexual issues I have experienced, it allows me to embrace my womanhood and free the sex goddess that I am. Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life If money were no object, I would buy many copies of this book and distribute it among all of my friends, both women and men. Nagoski explains very clearly key concepts such as non concordance and genital response vs arousal and enjoyment. She also dispells various myths and common misconceptions, backed up with findings from her own studies, as well as references to the work of other authors and researchers. This book will leave you feeling both reassured and better informed about the female body and sexuality. Equally, I would say it is a worthwhile read for men too, as many of the key ideas apply across the board. Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life Thought this would be helpful for a woman of advancing years, with all the changes that go with it. But I didn't get the author's gist at all. Maybe better for younger women. Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life

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